


Dialogue-only ficlets

by destinationtoast



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU, Dialogue-Only, F/F, F/M, Fawnlock, Ficlet Collection, Gen, M/M, each chapter stands alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 09:23:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destinationtoast/pseuds/destinationtoast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What the tin says -- each chapter is a standalone ficlet (less than 1000 words), dialogue only.  Each chapter is a different AU, as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. AU: Instead of taking on a royal client, Irene takes Molly as a client.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Jude. <3 
> 
> Jude prompted: molrene AU. I didn't go very far afield, for the AU. :) Lots of Sherlolly overtones, as well.

“I’m um. I’m here because. Well, I saw your website.”

“Yes. You’re seeking pleasure. You want someone to take you firmly in hand. You’ve come to the right place.”

“What? No. No, you see, I. You seem very nice — I”m sure you’re very good at. At what you do. But there’s someone else. And he. Well. I just, um. I need your help.”

“You want to hire me for the two of you?”

“No! No. No, I don’t think he would like that. I need…”

“You want to improve your techniques for pleasing him.”

“No. Yes. Sort of. I haven’t — we haven’t.”

“Ah. You want help with the seduction.”

“I. Yes, well. That. And I’m not great with bodies, really. Well, actually, I’m excellent with bodies. But just dead ones. Oh, not like you think! I work in a morgue. And I. Um. I haven’t really dated since high school. Well, except for Jim, but he turned out to be not who he said — well, he was Jim, still, I guess, and I guess he didn’t ever explicitly tell me he wasn’t a criminal mastermind, so possibly it wasn’t a lie — but the point is, we didn’t really. It was just three dates. And we just kissed.”

“I see. This man — he’s more experienced?”

“No. I actually think he may be less. He’s. Well. He’s different from most people.”

“How so?”

“He’s brilliant. He comes to the lab to run experiments, and to borrow body parts. Well, to take them — he doesn’t really return them. I’ve never met anyone so smart. Or so… so unstintingly scientific. And he doesn’t care what anyone thinks. He really doesn’t. He just microwaves eyeballs and flogs corpses and, you know. Does what he needs to do to learn things.”

“…Interesting. Tell me, what does he like?”

“Murders. Puzzles. The truth, even when it hurts. And his flatmate. Not like that, though. At least, that’s what his flatmate says.”

“Hm. Is he a detective?”

“Yes.”

“Lovely. So, does he know you like him?” 

“I… don’t know. Sometimes I think yes, I think that he’s using it, that he’s deliberately getting my help by being nice to me. That he’s making me think… that he’s leading me on. But then, sometimes, he doesn’t seem to understand at all. I tried asking him out. A few times. I don’t think he knew that was what was happening. So I thought. I decided I should take the next step. Which means learning how. From someone who knows how to say what they want. So here I am.”

“Hm. We’ll need to transform you.”

“Oh! But… no thank you. I like me, actually.”

“Not to worry — nothing permanent. But we’ll need to make you into a mystery.”

“A mystery? I don’t think I can be… that. I’m not very good at keeping secrets. Not from him, anyway.”

“Mmm. Well. The first thing we need to do is give you some confidence. You can hide more behind a confident smile than an uncertain one. And if you’re confident, he’ll want to know why.”

“You’re… going to teach me to be confident? With — with posture and makeup and manners and things? That wasn’t what I thought you —”

“I’m going to show you how to be confident. And I’m going to show you how to tell someone else what you want.”

“But… I don’t know what I want.”

“Indeed. Then first we’ll find out what you want. Together.”

“Together…? You mean, _together_ together, or just sort of doing brainstorming exercises together or mmmmmmph — ”

“Together.”

“Oh. Oh! I. Um. Didn’t know a kiss could be quite like that. It’s never been. I want. I want more of that? Please? To start.”

“Good.”


	2. AU: Fawnlock; and Sherlock & John in hats.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Jude. <3 Jude prompted: Fawnlock? Or Sherlock and John in hats?

“It’s an ear hat, John. You gave me an ear hat.”

“It’s not an ear hat. It’s the exact opposite of an ear hat — there are holes for your ears. In fact, you couldn’t be more wrong.”

“Mm. There are more holes than I’ve ears, though. Holes and flaps. And buttons and seams — this is a very odd hat.”

“You don’t wear hats much, do you?”

“It should be obvious even to you, John, that hats and antlers are incompatible.”

“It is.”

“And yet, this box, labeled with my name, upon opening contained a hat.”

“Yes, it’s the Case of the Hat, I suppose. You’ll have to solve the puzzle of why I gave it to you.”

“It’s not a case. It’s a textile.”

“You’ve shed your antlers; put it on.”

“Ah, it’s intended as a short-term hat — until my antlers grow in again.”

“Possible, but wrong. Just put it on your head already.”

“Fine.”

“Mmm… looks good. it’s nice and snug around your ears, hm?”

“Yes.”

“Deduced anything else out about it?”

“The holes with the flaps are right where my antlers would be.” 

“True.”

“In the meantime, the flaps cover the holes and keep my head warm.”

“Yes. Anything else?”

“Once my antlers return, undoing the buttons across the middle will allow me to don and doff the cap in spite of the obstacles.”

“Good. Do you like it?”

“It’s acceptable.”

“Mm-hm. Did you know your tail wiggles when you’re happy?”

“John. There is one aspect which I do not like.”

“Oh?”

“The festive pattern.”

“Yeah, I know. I claim no responsibility for that part.”

“You enlisted Harry to knit the hat.”

“I did. And let me tell you, you got off easy. Just wait till you see the pattern on the hat — and the matching jumper — she knit me this year.”

“Put them on.”

“The cabin is warm; I don’t need to bundle up.”

“I want to go outside.”

“What, now? Isn’t the royal fox hunt on?”

“Yes. But the fox is crafty and hiding where nobody will find him.”

“You’re going to track him down, aren’t you?” 

“Yes — are you coming, or not? Could be dangerous.”

“Let me get my hat.”


End file.
